45: How to say 'No' more often with grace

Updated: May 27, 2019

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Firstly, if you haven’t already listened to Episode 40 – People Pleasing – I lightly recommend you listen to this one first.

Ok, so let’s start with some examples of what not being able to say no looks like. We have:

- Break up’s and dating: Your friends pursue you to get onto a dating sight after a break up. You don’t want to, but you do it anyways but then you think: ‘What if I meet someone and I don’t click with them, how do I say I don’t want to see them again’

- Drinking: As much as this might be a shock to you, we don’t ‘always’ drink. Yet sometimes we find it hard to say ‘no’ will I be missing out? Will people think I’m ‘not fun’ How do I say no to a drink?

- Play Dates: You organize a playdate, but then you’re exhausted you don’t want to go but what if the other person thinks you’re being nasty, that you’re not a good friend? What if they never want to meet up again?

- Family: a family message goes out about the family going to dinner on a Wednesday night (brothers, sisters, cousins etc) the kids have sport practice that afternoon and school the next day. If you don’t go you think everyone will think you’re a bad person. IF you do, the kids will not get enough sleep


Why don’t we just say no? Because we have a: Fear of conflict, fear of others not liking usWomen tend to want to avoid conflict more than men they want others to be happyFirst of all, you don’t always need to use the word ‘NO’ actually in most cases this is the WORST word you can use 1.Set boundaries on what you ARE/ARE NOT comfortable with2.Phrase your response with kindness, but firmness. Ensure the other person UNDERSTANDS what you’re saying and is interpreting what you’re saying the way you intend to send the message3.Follow up with kindness.


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