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We’ve all been there. We’ve either been the pleaser, or the please’ In researching for this podcast I found a great example of what a people pleaser is.
A People Pleaser is one of the nicest and most helpful people you know. They never say “no.” You can always count on them for a favour. In fact, they spend a great deal of time doing things for other people.
This was from Phycology Today but I love this. Can you relate?
Let’s put this in ‘Mum context’ so, you’re tired, a friend calls and asks if you want to go to the shops, you know coffee, shopping etc. You have 2 kids with you today, you have house work to do but you go anyways because you want some adult time (granted!) you go, you’re there for longer than you thought, your friend wants to look at some more shops so you say ‘sure’ even though the kids are tired. You get a call from your neighbor asking if you can watch their dog over the weekend, you immediately say yes because you want them to think you are a nice neighbor. You’re then on the phone to your sister in law on the way home, its your nieces birthday on the weekend. You ask what you can make for the weekend…she suggests your amazing sausage rolls, you say yes and also make some slice as well (because deep down you want to look even more helpful). You then need to ensure the house is tidy and your partners favourite dinner is made…and you look at them like a puppy dog as you internally seek validation for what you have done. THEN comes the party. You arrive 20 minutes before to help set up and ensure you stay to help clean up…you get what I’m trying to say yeah?
Being a people pleaser isn’t just about being ‘nice’ and ‘helpful’ its putting someone else’s needs in front of yours while you seek validation and acceptance that you are doing enough.
So, how do we still be a nice human but not people please and BE US…
- People pleasers ensure EVERYONE else is happy even if it self-sabotages their own happiness
- You can still be a nice human but look after you and not people please.
1. Acknowledge you DO have a choice
2. Set priorities…with everything you do
3. Stall – don’t say yes, don’t say no right away. Stall so you can make the right decision for you
4. Consider if you’re being manipulated5. Say ‘no’ with grace6. Create a mantra
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